


Cas and the Real Boy

by 50shadesofsubtext



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Blood and Violence, Gallows Humor, Homophobic Language, Humor, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Morbid, this is dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-25 21:39:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12541796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/50shadesofsubtext/pseuds/50shadesofsubtext
Summary: Cas remembers the soulmate stories his father told him, but he doesn't believe them. Until it’s too late.





	Cas and the Real Boy

Everyone knows the stories. Everyone has a soulmate. Sometimes people meet theirs, but sometimes they don’t. When one of the soulmates dies, they come back and help out the other one. Of course, they were just stories.

 

I remember the stories my dad told me about my mom, the woman whose face I would never know outside of the fading photographs on the mantel. He told me that after she died, she was sent to watch over us, to keep us safe, to keep loving us. He told me that she would keep watching over him until the day they could be together again.

 

I was 11 when I decided the soulmate stories were all bullshit.  

 

They were the whispers old, senile people shared with each other. The stories sad looking people told when they begged for money on the street corner. The stories my dad only told after a few drinks on the nights he missed my mom too much.

 

The thing that made me realize it was just stories was when my best friend lost his dad. When Gabe’s dad died, his mom didn’t feel him around anymore. The two of them were the perfect couple, always hugging and kissing when they tried to embarrass Gabe, so if something like soulmates existed, they would have been it.

 

There was another reason why I didn’t believe in soulmates, one I didn’t even share with Gabe. The only story I ever heard about soulmates were about a man and a woman. If my soulmate was somewhere out there, ready to die to become my personal guardian angel, I knew it would be a man.

 

It wasn’t that I didn’t like women, I did, but late at night when I laid in bed, closed my eyes, and dipped my hand beneath the sheets to help myself feel good, it was a man I saw. It was dark, broody eyes; strong, bulky arms; and tall, muscular men that worked like nothing else.

 

I never told Gabe, but I think he could have guessed about me. Sometimes I let myself get distracted for too long, and he would catch me staring at a boy across the room. He made fun of me for it in the way that best friends make fun of each other for an awful smelling fart or tripping over nothing. I don’t think he would have cared if I told him, but instead of talking about it, we made jokes about it and called each other faggots.

 

Gabe had lots of girlfriends growing up, but I stayed alone, silently checking out attractive boys from across classrooms or at lunch. It didn’t bother me though. Not until the day it happened.

 

It was the beginning of sophomore year of high school, just after school one day. The air was just starting to get chilly, and I wrapped my coat a little closer to my body when Gabe and I walked out of the school to wait for our parents. I remember it like a picture; the air smelled crisp that afternoon and wind rattled the dying yellow, red, and orange leaves on the trees. A few of them twirled in lazy circles to the ground.

 

I caught a group of boys looking at us as Gabe prattled on about his newest crush, some new girl named Kali. I kept my eyes on the boys; they were attractive. They were older, leaning against their cars and talking, showing off their muscles and telling stories about the girls they fucked. I tried to keep my eyes off of them, but I couldn’t help myself. They were ridiculously attractive.

 

“Cas,” Gabe snapped his finger in front of my face. “Dude, pay attention. Kali is literally the hottest girl in the school. As soon as I get my drivers license, I’m taking her up the make-out spot on the cliffs.”

 

My eyes wandered back to the boys. One of them kept a steady gaze, and I returned it. He was beautiful in his brown leather jacket leaning up against a sleek, black car. He had dark blond hair, he was tall, and judging by how much everyone else laughed, he was funny.

 

A person like him almost made me wonder if there was such a thing as love at first sight.

 

Gabe’s family van pulled up and broke the line of sight. I could hear his little brother and sisters arguing inside of it before he even opened the door.

 

“Later fag,” he said as he opened the side door and let the madness inside the van peek out for a minute.

 

“Later,” I said with a smile and wave.

 

The van pulled away and took all the noise with it. The silence and cold were almost painful without Gabe, and I looked at the time, hoping Dad didn’t forget to pick me up again. He was late, but late didn’t always mean he wouldn’t show up. I tried calling him, figuring I could at least wake him up if he lost track of time. No answer.

 

My eyes turned back to the group of boys. They were huddled up like they were sharing secrets and the tall one looked back at me a couple of times. Finally, they broke their huddle and one-by-one got into the cars around them. The tall one stayed leaning against his car until all his friends left and then looked back to me, seeming to hesitate to get into his car.

 

After what felt like a lifetime, he called out, “Hey, you!”

 

I almost looked around for another person, but I knew everyone had to be gone already. I still asked, “Me?”

 

“Yeah, there’s no one else here, is there?”

 

Even though the question was rhetorical, I looked around. “I guess not.”

 

“You need a ride?”

 

“Oh, uh my dad should be here soon. I don’t think he totally forgot about me.”

 

He walked toward me a little bit, close enough we didn’t have to shout. “You sure? It isn’t a problem.”

 

I watched his eyes, green, travel up and down my body like he was admiring me. I knew that I should say no to him, that I should go home and do some homework, but something about that look made me feel something, something that said I was wanted, desired, from another boy.

 

“Oh, um…” I gave him my best once-over, and a little grin grew over his lips. “Okay, yeah. That would be great, thanks. Just let me tell my dad I’m getting a ride home.”

 

His grin turned into a full smile. He nodded back to the car he had been leaning against, and I walked back with him as I tugged my phone out of my back pocket.

 

“Hey dad,” I said to the answering machine. “I’m getting a ride home, so I’ll meet you back at the house.”

 

“You and your dad close?” he asked as he started the car. It felt alive as he pulled out of the parking lot.

 

“Kind of. My mom died when I was really little, so it’s just been us for a long time.”

 

“Me too,” he said. I waited for him to elaborate, but when he didn’t, I looked down to his hand on the gear shift.

 

“I guess that is another thing we have in common,” I told him, trying to bridge the silence between us.

 

“Oh yeah? And what’s the first thing?”

 

I was afraid to answer, to say what I was out loud, afraid to say that I knew he was the same. Instead, I smiled and moved a little closer on the bench seat and let my knee tap up against his.

 

His smile lit up the car and his hand left the gears for my knee. “What time do you need to be home at?”

 

“I don’t really have a curfew.” Dad never set one for me because I never went out.

 

“I have an idea.” With a smile on his lips, he pointed the car east, headed for the mountains outside of town.

 

“What’s your name?”

 

He reached over and turned the volume of the music down. It was some old, rock type song that my dad probably would have known. “Dean.”

 

“I’m Cas.” When his hand fell from the knob, it landed higher than before. A lot higher up my thigh.

 

It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was the closest I’d ever been to another boy before. The breath in my throat caught as I stared at his hand. I should have expected something like this might happen, I may have even hoped that something might happen, but I was scared. Dean apparently had far more experience, what if I didn’t meet his expectations? What if we started and I was too afraid to finish?

 

In a fit of trying to prove myself to him, I grabbed his hand and leaned over to kiss him. My lips met the corner of his, and his hand on my leg grew heavier and moved up even further. “Slow down there, Tiger.”

 

I looked back down, embarrassed that I might have just made a fool out of myself. His hand was almost at my crotch. I turned to look out the window. We were headed for the cliffs, the spot a lot of people went to make out. Or so Gabe always told me.

 

I’d never been to the cliffs with a guy before, but sometimes my dad took me there to do some sightseeing when I was little. It was an overlook on the side of the mountains, and it had a fantastic view. From the cliffs, I could see the whole east side of town and this massive valley between the town and the mountains. It almost looked like some of the pictures of Yosemite National Park from my history textbook. My dad joked that Colorado had better views from the cliffs than the rest of the world combined.

 

Dean pulled into the parking lot and parked on the far side, away from the view of the road. He pulled his hand away to put the car in park, and for a minute, I sat in silence, worried about what to do. Driven by some vague idea of what was supposed to happen next, I turned to him and pulled him closer, crushing our lips together.

 

Our noses bumped together, but we found a rhythm and after a second, his tongue pressed against my lips. The shape of his tongue in my mouth was stranger than I imagined it would be. Suddenly there was something else to work around, and I didn’t know what to do with it. With a lack of anything else to do, I sucked on it, only slightly feeling like a vacuum.

 

From somewhere deep inside his chest, a moan came out, so I figured I must be doing something right. He pushed me back onto the seat, and my head came right to the passenger door. He followed me down and fit a hand between us to cup me. I knew what he found, a half-hard dick on a scared little boy.

 

He leaned down like he was going to kiss me again and his breath washed over my face. “God, you’re such a fag.” His whisper was so cold; it made my spine tingle. It sounded so different from the way Gabe said it.

 

“Wh-what?”

 

In a minute, Dean’s eyes turn from sweet and excited to fury and disgust. He pulled himself off me, “You really are a queer, aren’t you? You actually thought I would sleep with a pansy ass boy like you?”

 

When he shifted, I felt a hard bulge between his legs; he was obviously harder than me. I’d never been more confused in my life. He opened the driver’s side door behind him and stumbled out, falling away from me.

 

I sat up and pulled my jacket closer around me. The sun was just starting to set, and a golden light covered the valley below us. It would be beautiful in any other circumstance.

 

The passenger door opened on my other side and strong hands yanked me out of my seat. I caught a glimpse of the guy as I hit the ground. The same group Dean stood around at the school now stood around me.

 

The one that pulled me out of the car was named Dick. I only knew him because everyone at school talked about him. He used to be a school celebrity and captain of the football team, but he got accused of raping a freshman last year. He made a deal to do community service if he apologized to her, and he never even saw a courtroom.

 

One of the other guys kicked my side. He was blond, and I couldn’t remember his name. More kicks landed on my back, my stomach. I still couldn’t remember the other guy's names. How was I supposed to explain my bruises and swollen face if I couldn’t remember who jumped me? I guessed The Dick and Dean Posse wouldn’t get the response I wanted.

 

Through the grunting of the boys, I heard Dean’s voice ring out, “All right, guys, I think that’s enough.”

 

Blondie turned on him, “You going soft, Deano? This flammer needs to learn his lesson.”

 

“And it looks like he has. Come on, let’s go.”

 

I tried to catch my breath when they stopped kicking me. Salty, red iron stained my mouth, and crimson blurred my vision when I tried to get a look at the damage.

 

My arm and leg throbbed in pain like maybe someone broke a bone there. There wasn’t much blood on my clothes, but it stained my hand when I wiped my mouth. I struggled to take a full breath, and instead of crying out, I stayed as still and quiet as I could. Maybe they would forget I was there.

 

The boys that walked away from me now formed a ring around Blondie and Dean. I couldn’t hear much from the wolf whistling, but Dean’s words rang clear over the crowd, “You don’t have to beat kids up to be a bigger man.”

 

I missed Blondie’s response, but I did see him push Dean back. The boys stopped their jeers. “You’re a goddamn flamer too, aren’t you? Is that why you wanted to bring the fag out here?”

 

I wondered when homophobes would find new insults for gay men. Apparently, they hadn’t changed since the ‘40s.  

 

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Dean shot back. “You can toss him around a little and have your fun, but you don’t need to put him in the hospital, Al.”

 

“You’re talking about him like he’s a person. In case you forgot, Dean, he is a monster, a predator like the rest of them.”

 

Sometimes when I was home alone, I locked myself in my room and looked up gay people on the internet. When I came to the Stonewall Riots, I always wondered why cops and mobsters got away with abusing gay people for so long. After Blondie’s words though, it made sense. People like that didn’t think people like me had feelings, thoughts, emotions. We weren’t people to people like that. I guess when you hear that enough, you start to believe it too.

 

I didn’t though. It just made me mad. I pushed myself onto my knees and struggled to my feet. My leg was almost definitely broke, but I staggered over to the group anyway. I didn’t even care that I would end up in the hospital, I just wanted to punch him. I wanted to tell him that I was capable of emotion. I could hate him.

 

I felt like how the person who threw the first brick at Stonewall must have felt. I was strong. I could take on the world. I could show them how I felt.

 

I aimed for the head of the guy closest to me, but I landed on his shoulder. I think he was so stunned that I was standing he moved to the side anyway. I pushed my way to the center of the group, the eye I could see out of was set on Blondie. A manic kind of laughter bubbled out of Blondie’s throat at the sight of me barely staying on my feet. When I thought I was close enough, I threw another punch out. My fist landed in the air between us and my leg gave out under me, giving me a mouthful of gravel.

 

“Boys, why don’t you help out our new friend here?” Blondie said.

 

Dick grabbed one of my arms, and another brunette grabbed the other, and they hauled me to my feet. “Don’t do this, Al,” Dean said. “Just let him go.”

 

Blondie let out another laugh, turned on his heel, and punched Dean. Even I could hear the crack from Dean’s nose, and blood poured over Dean’s lips. “Shut up,” Blondie spat at the ground in front of him. He turned back to me and smiled. “What are we going to do with you?”

 

There was no way they would let me go. They’d never let me off this mountain. I did my best Marsha P. Johnson impression and stood as tall as I could for the first few blows.  _Hit._ I could only stand for so long though. _Hit._ My legs sagged under me after a minute.  _Hit._ I had to fight to keep my eyes open.  _Hit._ I tried to talk.  _Hit._ I tried to scream.  _Hit._ No noise came out. _Hit._ Black swarmed around my vision.  _Hit._

 

I’d like to think I went bravely, but that isn’t true. I was scared. I worried about my dad. Gabe. I wondered what my life would have been like. I missed my mom.

 

I thought about the stories of my mom. Dad swore he could see her after she died. They were soulmates. Would I show up to protect some random guy that would have been my soulmate? The world went black.

 

And then I saw Dean.


End file.
